Little Bug’s first day at her school is today. I think I was more nervous than her. 39 minutes and counting until I can go pick her up.

Of course last night I started rethinking our decision to send her to school three days a week and I determined in my mind that we had made a terrible decision! 

This is the first time I have been away from her that she hasn’t been with family. It was nerve-wracking leaving her in that classroom at 8am this morning! She didn’t bat an eye, walked right in, put her backpack on the hook, walked right over to her place at the table, sat down and started talking to the little girl who was in her dance class when she was three years old. The students all had a mini chalkboard and a piece of chalk that they were suppose to be writing words on.

As I was exciting the room I turned back to look at her. Her mind was not on the fact Mom was leaving; she was sitting there at the table like a big girl chalk piece in hand and, while chatting with her friend, she was writing words.

I think today was also the first time that it was truly evident what a BIG GIRL Little Bug is. There is no baby left in her – at all. The simple fact that she can go to school and be away from me for this long and be okay is just crazy!

I know homeschoolers have the reputation of sheltering their children, but it’s not like that at all. It’s not that I don’t want her out in the big world, it’s that I want her home with me.

Because I know how fast it’s going to go. Her baby, toddler and preschool years are gone. Forever. Her childhood is here and, before I know it, that will be gone too. Forever. And she will be a teenager and then a young adult and then she will be married and having babies of her own.

Nothing like sending your baby to Kindergarten and their whole life flashes before your eyes. She may as well have gone off to college this morning!!

But she didn’t. (Thank goodness.) She is still five. This new routine is a season for our family.

I hope it’s just a season. I think what scares me the most is perhaps realizing that this is actually best for Little Bug. That full-time homeschool just might not be the best for her. I’m scared that this school may become a permanent thing for her…because she will love it so much.

Over at Faithfully Infertile, I’ve been sharing what God taught me last year. One thing He taught me was to live in the moment more.

Last night as I panicked that we had made the wrong choice, I remembered the words I had written about living in the moment more. I am such a planner. I thrive on making plans and then carrying them out. So many of my life plans have not turned out the way I had planned. I thought I would marry way sooner than I did. I thought I’d give birth to my first baby by my first anniversary. I thought I’d have a baby every three or so years until I had my four children.

I married exactly one month before my 26th birthday and adopted my first child exactly one week after our 2 year anniversary. My second child came along 26 months later through another adoption and just when I had come to term with “only” having two children, we adopted our third child through a whirlwind adoption that happened in a matter of just two weeks.

My plans never seem to work out the way I had planned!

And I am so very thankful for that!!! As difficult and challenging my journey has been, I can’t imagine life having gone any other way than how it did because God’s plans are perfect and God’s plans prevail.

So I’ve learned to live in the moment of now and not be so focused on future plans. Right now it is best for Little Bug to attend this school. I don’t have to know now whether she will continue on there for 1st grade.

Right now I need to focus on Sarge and his recovery from his very difficult start to life. I need to focus on spending time with my Sweet Pea who has had some major life changes in her little life. And I need to keep my focus on the fact that this school is going to give my extroverted child the outlet she needs while it is best for me to be at home with the “babies”.

When the time comes for us to make a decision about next year I am confident my Mommy heart will just know what is best for Little Bug at that time. Just like it knew this school is best for Little Bug now.

I cannot wait to hear all about her first day!

- Elaine